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Clinical Psychology
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Success!Ezine
Volume 6 Issue 10 -- October 2009
DrCarolWebster.com
Copyright 2009   All Rights Reserved

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E. Carol Webster, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist consultant in Fort Lauderdale, FL. Feel free to call or e-mail for more information.

Dr. Webster is author of Success Management: How to Get to the Top and Keep Your Sanity Once You Get There and The Fear of Success: Stop It From Stopping You!

Feature Article
 

Inflated Egos Ignore Ethics

E. Carol Webster, Ph.D. 
Copyright ©  2009

It happens all too often these days – those in power forget that they are subject to the rules that apply to the rest of society and suffer a fall from prominence because of their greed or abuse of privilege. Typically, arrogance and an inflated sense of importance are at the root of this. And, in fairness to many of these individuals, those around them have helped them to believe that they were “above it all”. People pander to them, tell them what they want to hear, and shower them with benefits that they haven’t earned or otherwise wouldn’t be entitled to. They let them slide on customs and conventions, making it easy for them to believe that rules are for “the little people” and don’t apply to them. Over time, their egos become more inflated and feelings of entitlement more pronounced. For many, these qualities have been a part of their core personality all along and often are factors that have propelled their success in some ways. After all, to forge new territory in business or to make tough, unpopular decisions requires the ability to act without fear or paralysis because of guilt or “conscience”. Taken too far, though, means feeling perfectly okay about using your power to prosper by manipulating others, exploiting them, or by breaking the law without feeling any guilt – and, often, without getting caught for many years. No different from the common criminal, the longer you are able to get away with this behavior, the easier it becomes to do. Indeed, some may actually reward you in business for these “talents”. But you can expect this grandiosity and feeling of invincibility to lead to your demise at some point, so take steps to avoid the fall.

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Don’t Believe the Hype

Sure, you may be a wonderful individual, but are you really that wonderful? Probably not. The people around you will be extolling your virtues day and night, but you can’t take this too seriously. Their intentions are to curry favor and, while you realize this intellectually, remember it emotionally. Keep your feet on the ground.

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Include Critics in Your Success Entourage

The chorus of “yes men” and “yes women” around you will be deafening, so don’t allow yourself to get out of touch with reality. Make sure that you have plenty of Critics in your Success Entourage – those closest to you who you trust and turn to for guidance and advice – who will “tell it like it is” and offer candid assessments and opinions even though they know you may not like what you hear. But note that a serious problem with inflated egos is that you may start ignoring even your trusted Critics as your success grows, so these folks must be very confident, assertive, tenacious folks who will keep hounding you with their blunt assessments of your thoughts and behavior -- particularly when they feel that you are headed for trouble.  

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Keep Up With Codes of Conduct

Small errors in judgment and ethical breaches can easily become routine if you’re not constantly clear about what’s expected of your behavior. Once you become comfortable with breaking rules, you’re more likely to feel emboldened to engage in other violations, so keep yourself in check. Attend training provided by your organization or professional association. Get on the mailing list for all changes and updates to the code of conduct in your field. But don’t rely on yourself alone to stay abreast of these changes. Have your assistant track updates and make sure that you sign off on them. Schedule consultations with your counsel to ensure that you’re up to date on everything. Yes, these things are a hassle but just view them as a cost of doing business – and staying in business!

 There are many benefits of being successful and it’s fine to enjoy the prominence and power associated with your success. But be smart about this. Remember that the rules of society apply to you too, and that the fall is farther and harder from the top.

 About the Author: 
Dr. E. Carol Webster is a clinical psychologist consultant in Fort Lauderdale, FL and is author of 
Success Management: How to Get to the Top and Keep Your Sanity Once You Get There
and The Fear of Success: Stop It From Stopping You!

 

Ask Dr. Webster...

Dear Dr. Webster: 

I’m always on a plane going somewhere for my job and have the worst luck for getting stuck next to someone who wants to talk the whole flight. I usually put up with it because I don’t want to be rude but now I’m very bitter. What can I do?

 --Trapped by Talkers

 Dear Trapped by Talkers: This problem is second only to those who are trapped on trains or in cars with cell phone addicts. On a plane, however, the talker is looking for an interaction with you, a brief relationship of sorts, so not only is your solace interrupted, you’re being asked to meet a need that you didn’t seek out. And your problem is complicated by the fact that there's nowhere to escape to even if you wanted to leave. It’s fine to be polite and to exchange very brief small talk as you get settled in your seat, but certainly you should not feel obligated to be entertainment for a stranger. Many talkers are in sales and have learned that everyone is a potential prospect so they are eager to connect with you and anyone you may know who might want to do business with them. This is wise of them, but probably of little benefit to you. Other talkers are very lonely or needy souls who are delighted to have hours of uninterrupted time with someone. And still others are just very social folks who’ll yak non-stop if you let them, but who can take a hint if they see that you don’t want to be bothered. But the signal must come from you.  So understand that you deserve to be left alone if you want to and stop acting so “nice”. Shift your body away from the talker, bury your head in a book, or immediately put headphones on to enjoy your music, DVD, or in-flight movie. Many talkers will keep gabbing anyway, but you should feel no need to respond – particularly if they begin commenting about what you’re reading or watching. This is uninvited contact and does not obligate you in any way. If they persist, take direct action by saying “I prefer not to chat. I’m looking forward to reading my book” or “seeing this movie”.  Talkers have to learn that their needs don’t trump yours and that they’ll have to bother someone in another seat or wait until they get to their destination to get the socialization they seek.

  --Dr. Webster

Got a Question?

Ask Dr. Webster

 


Success Motivator

Never let pride be your guiding principle. Let your accomplishments speak for you.

-- Morgan Freeman

 

 

Success Tip

Take the High Ground and
Never Give It Up

..in order to achieve “invincible” status, you must remain ethical. The reason is simple: as soon as you cross the line into unethical territory, even for just a moment, you are forever vulnerable to a career-ending turn of events. This vulnerability can manifest itself in terms of criminal liability, bad press, or a reputation-damaging lawsuit—you never know until it hits. By definition, therefore, you lose your invincibility the moment you cross the ethical line.


  From the book:

 Staying Power
 

by Thomas Schweich

Contemporary Books, New York, 2003

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E. Carol Webster, Ph.D.
Clinical Psychology Consulting
DrCarolWebster.com
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