Success!Ezine
Volume 5 Issue 10-- October 2007
DrCarolWebster.com
Copyright 2007   All Rights Reserved

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E. Carol Webster, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist in consulting practice in Fort Lauderdale, FL . Feel free to call or e-mail for more information.

While not pleasant, it’s essential to dig deep to determine why the mistake happened. This prevents you from repeating the same actions in the future. Retrace your steps. Where did things go wrong? Why? And try not to get defensive when you are questioned in further detail by superiors who are trying to help you determine the root cause of this mistake. It may feel like an inquisition at times, but it’s important to keep drilling down until you and they fully understand why things went awry. Sure, being asked “why” over and over feels accusatory and managers must find a way of asking these questions that doesn’t cause you to feel badgered. But remember that those who excel have good self-confidence and view this process as helpful, not hurtful, to them. Indeed, many times it is determined that a mistake occurred because of faulty organizational policies or procedures. Once understood, these contributory factors can be fixed. So, don’t get hung up on failure. Accept that mistakes will happen as a function of being human. And learn from the insights and wisdom of those who can help you put processes in place to prevent problems from recurring.

Don’t hide out after a mistake. It’s natural to want to flee or to keep a low profile, but this affirms an untruth – that you are inept and cannot function. Resist managerial efforts to sideline you or to restrict you to “safe” tasks. Those who rebound best are those who are given a chance to overcome their failure quickly. Doing so counters shame and helps restore your sense of self-worth and professional self-esteem. Scoring a new achievement is a powerful healing tonic. So remind your superiors of all you’ve done well and ask for some new opportunities to advance the organization’s success. Your contributions to its excellence will help restore your reputation and help you feel better about yourself again, too.

Once you’ve determined how the mistake happened and have preventative strategies in place, let it go. Successful people spend little time agonizing over the past. They move on quickly because they remind themselves that their wealth of accomplishments outweigh their mistakes by far. When your thoughts drift back to an error, including one that happened many years ago, give yourself a big swat or shout “no!” to yourself to stop your negative ruminations. Being consumed with thoughts and feelings of failure will only breed future missteps so make every effort to override the negativity with memories of all that you have done well. Surround yourself with visuals that substantiate your successes. Dust off those award plaques and hang them up. Frame those certificates of appreciation and prop them up in prominent places. Even a home office should include these testaments to your achievements. Yes, people may say that you’re on an ego trip. But remember that those who excel do tend to have higher self-confidence and self-assurance than others.

 Making mistakes is a drag, but you can get beyond them. The key to moving on and regaining your track record of success is to understand why the blunder happened, to ensure that preventative strategies are in place, and to put this mistake in proper perspective. Focus your thoughts on all the accomplishments you have to your credit so that the mistake doesn’t loom larger than it merits and get busy adding more achievements to your portfolio!

  About the Author: 
Dr. E. Carol Webster is a clinical psychologist in consulting practice in Fort Lauderdale, FL and is author of 
Success Management: How to Get to the Top and Keep Your Sanity Once You Get There and The Fear of Success: Stop It From Stopping You!

Ask Dr. Webster...

Dear Dr. Webster: Why do people say they’re gonna do something then don’t follow thru? I’m involved in a lot of community activities and they don’t complete assignments or even bother to say they’re not gonna do it. This makes it hard on the rest of us. I’m sick of it.

--Tired of Picking Up the Slack

Dear Tired of Picking Up the Slack: You are right to feel frustrated with people who don’t follow through with things they agree to do. Sometimes they feel it’s easier to say “yes” than to decline and look uncooperative, but often know very well at the time that they’re not going to do it. They desire to appear agreeable and to keep a positive image in your eyes when they’re in direct contact with you, but find it it’s easy to shrug this off once you’re not around. Whatever they’ve agreed to can be easily set aside. If they believe that there are no negative consequences for them personally, often the task is disregarded altogether. These individuals typically lose little sleep about the negative consequences there may be for you or the organization that is counting on them. Of course, this behavior is totally unprofessional. And most never grasp how damaging it is to the positive image they’re trying to establish in your eyes when they agree to do something that ultimately they don’t do.

I suggest that in the future you add to your request: “...and please let me know if you can’t do the task after all so that I can make other arrangements.” But don’t hold your breath. People still fail to give you the courtesy of honest and timely notification. Why? Unfortunately, deep down they really don't care about leaving you stuck. Poor home training often underlies this and results in poor values and work ethics. The desire of these individuals is to look good, not necessarily to do what is required to be genuine. Confronting them does not do much good since this is an ingrained part of their personalities, so move along and find others to involve in your activities that you can count on in the future.

  --Dr. Webster

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Success Motivator

Defeat is not bitter unless you swallow it.

 -- Joe Clark

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Success!Ezine
E. Carol Webster, Ph.D.
Clinical Psychology Consulting
DrCarolWebster.com
954.797.9766
Success!Ezine@DrCarolWebster.com